Some actual genius needs to steal my ideas

I spend a lot of time in my car. I love her. Her name is Bea. She’s kind of a princess. She is a 2008 Mercury Milan.

If you don’t know, they no longer make the Milan. Actually, they stopped making Mercury’s all together the year I got her.

I call her a princess because her wiper blades are weird, her oil filter baffles Walmart mechanics, and her battery is the only one AAA doesn’t carry on their truck.

She is also a techie car. She has power windows and mirrors. Air bags every where. Folding seats. That awesome little I’m-locked-in-my-trunk pull latch. The side mirrors defrost. The rear mirror dims when it senses a bright light behind it. Oh, and I talk to her.

She’s Bluetooth enabled so you can control your phone, the stereo, and all that by talking to her. When she understands me its pretty fantastic. When she doesn’t, I get aggravated. The car also constantly checks on itself. Like right now, it’s determined my left headlight needs to be replaced.

Now, that is a car that is almost 10 years old.

More recent cars have those amazing back up cams, built in GPS systems, that really interesting park assist feature.

But! With alllllll these advancements someone tell me why no one has added the features I want most yet? I mean, they made a feature so a car can put on its own brakes. An alert for when you drift lanes! So cool and useful.

So why do I still have to turn on my own headlights when it rains? Why isn’t there a feature yet that when you turn on your wipers, the headlights automatically come on?

That is 100% serious. My car has those auto lights and sometimes when it’s raining, I don’t even think to be sure the lights are on. I happen to live in a state that requires by law for your headlights to be on if you are using your wipers.

So again I say, why hasn’t someone created lights that come on the moment you turn on your wipers? Get on that!

Another amazing idea I have but have no idea how to make it regards grocery shopping.

I do a lot of grocery shopping. I am the only driver in my home and my mom isn’t huge on going to the grocery store due to her anxiety. Thus, I go once for the grocery list and usually another time in the week to grab little things. Like creamer or if Mom is craving a treat, ice cream or something from the bakery.

So here’s my idea. A feature in the trunk to keep your groceries cold on the drive home. Right!? How great would that be!? My thought is you hit a little button and it activates an air conditioner type thing in the trunk and boom! Ice cream isn’t melting on your way home.

I think it would be especially helpful for people that don’t live a hop away from their store. Personally, I’m super close but! One of the stores I work in happens to be a grocery store and if I chose to do my shopping there it’s 30 minutes home and on a hot day, I worry about my ice cream, milk, yogurt, etc. Some kind of function to allow my groceries to remain cold would be amazing!

I have one more car related idea. I’ve had it for years. I love taking drives. You know, the aimless adventure kinds? I love those. I love the scenic route. I love road trips.

I live in New England and scenic routes are boundless. The other day, the sky was gorgeous. Big giant clouds on the left and then these layers and layers of stripey clouds on the right. There’s been a ton of rain so all of the trees are vibrant green and flowers are popping up everywhere.

I want someone to invent a camera that is built in to the car. A view camera. So that you can photograph what you are seeing when you drive. I want this to be an easy push button. For safety’s sake, you wouldn’t be able to look at the pictures taken until your car is in park and off. Perhaps, connected to an app or an easy jump drive.

It would be set up so it can see what you as the driver can see out of your windshield. The gorgeous skies I have seen when I’m driving up or down the coast at sunrise, OH how I would love to have a photo of them.

The last time I drove to South Carolina, I drove WITH a hurricane. She and I were steps apart from each other. The clouds, the rain, the fallen trees. All of it was crazy pants. BUT the sky the moment the hurricane passed was this gorgeous purple and the clouds were electric. That-that would have been a gorgeous photo.

Alas, I don’t find pulling over on the highway to be particularly safe. Or on mountain roads. Or really much of any road. So getting photos like this is damn near impossible unless you want to try while driving which is completely unsafe and in my state, considered distracted driving and therefore an offense that equals a hefty fine.

IIIIIII think these are fantastic ideas. I want a car with these functions so bad. So someone steal my ideas and get to making them a reality.

Go on, go be a genius.